Last year in Scotland 5,000 young people presented as homeless because of relationship breakdown within their family - the most common cause of teenagers leaving home to sleep rough or sofa surf.
Cyrenians’ Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution (SCCR) was formed to give families the tools to resolve their own disputes before they get to the point where young people are ready to walk out of the door.
In May we launched our online Learning Zone for parents and carers, a valuable addition to the support systems that schools already provide. It can be used by guidance and pastoral care teams to help strengthen the home-school partnership and improve outcomes for young people.
Here’s how:
1. The science of conflict
Many of the most common causes of conflict between parents and carers and their young people - such as risk-taking behaviour, listening to friends over parents or sleeping in late - can be traced back to the profound changes that teenage brains undergo during adolescence. Breaking down the science behind brain development gives parents and carers a different way to understand arguments, often taking the heat out of a situation.
2. Practical conflict resolution tools
There are many practical methods for helping to resolve conflicts that educators can draw on, from replacing blaming language with “I statements”, to active listening and making positive requests. If parents can learn to use the same tools that educators work with, it creates consistency for the young person.
3. Supporting family wellbeing
A parent or carer who is out of sorts will find it challenging to bring an argument to a close well. Suggestions for families can include mindful breathing, emotional check-ins and knowing when to take a break from an argument rather than continuing and making things worse; these approaches can help them to get into a good place to tackle conflict. When parents and carers can model acting calmly for young people, it boosts pupils’ own abilities to regulate behaviour in class.
4. Promoting young people’s voices
Schools champion pupil voice and participative approaches in learning and wellbeing, while we advocate something similar for families; regular family meetings where open dialogue, respectful listening and a shared approach to resolving disputes are encouraged. Again, consistency of approach at school and home will mean this learning has a greater chance of taking root in the young person’s mind.
5. Support that is easy to understand and share
We favour visual quote cards, short animations and easy-to-understand tips, which are very shareable with parents of diverse backgrounds and reading levels. These are also designed to be used flexibly - you can dip in for a few minutes or take a deep dive. Having a trusted, evidence-based tool to signpost parents towards can save staff time, while still offering meaningful support.
Colin Waters is digital media and content manager of Scottish homelessness charity Cyrenians
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